Nine Habits of Great Dads

Shared Activities

I include my children in as many of my activities as possible. It does not hamper me or take any extra effort. Children adapt to their surroundings and will learn from and grow with new experiences.

Frank Discussion

I continually talk to my son and daughter about such vital issues as drugs, violence, gangs, sexual responsibility, racial and sexual discrimination, health maintenance, proper eating habits, and personal responsibility. I try to give honest and accurate answers to any and every question that they ask me.

Educational Involvement

I do not wait for their teachers to send home their report cards. I attend PTA meetings. I schedule parent conferences with their teachers. I discuss in person and by phone their books, exams, and course studies with their teachers. I reserve time each evening for discussion of homework assignments, projects, and school activities with them.

Personal Example

I am not from the school that says do as I say not as I do. How would it look for me to lecture my children on the ills of smoking, drinking, drug use, sexual promiscuity, poor nutrition, dishonesty, lack of integrity, selfishness, and low self-esteem and I indulge in these acts or exhibit these negative characteristics in my life?

Reliability

I believe that children are expert at spotting inconsistencies in the conduct of adults. It could be in what they do, say, or do not do or say. I try to establish consistent behavior patterns that relax and comfort them. If I say I am going to pick them up from school, or an activity at a certain time, I do it. I make sure that they know where they can reach me in case of an emergency. If they have a problem or a need they are reasonably certain that I will be available to help them.

Self Esteem

I deeply believe that it is important to instill in children a sense of pride in themselves, their family and their people. I talk with them constantly about their grandparents and the struggles that they faced, the obstacles they overcame, and the sacrifices that they made to improve their lives and that of their families. I show them family album pictures to bring their family history alive. I talk with them about the struggles and sacrifices of African-Americans against racism and poverty. I encourage them to read about the lives of heroic African-Americans such as Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman, Booker T. Washington, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, and Martin Luther King. I talk with them about the great African past and point out that they are the descendants of queens, kings and empire builders. I encourage them to discuss that proud history with me and with each other.

Set Goals

I can not imagine boarding a plane without knowing where it is flying, or booking passage on a ship that has no destination. In other words you have to have direction in life to achieve anything worthwhile. The most successful people set goals and work diligently toward achieving them. I challenge my children to do the same.

Spiritual Belief

I am not a big churchgoer. But I still try as much as possible to attend church. I recognize that religious belief have always been our rock and our salvation as a people. It has provided us with a shelter from, and a shield against the painful experiences of life. It gives us strength and determination to go forward and overcome the odds. I want my children to know, understand, and appreciate the importance of faith and belief in a higher power and always in good and bad times.

Independence

I do not believe that love is the greatest gift that you can give children. I believe the greatest gift is to teach them how to stand on their own two feet and face the world. I want them to be responsible individuals who are capable of relying on their own talents, abilities, and strengths to deal with the problems that the world will throw at them as adults. I work hard toward instilling that sense of independence in them.

Adapted from the Family Digest article, "Nine Habits of Great Dads"(2000).